Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
