Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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