True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
