whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
