i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How's work?
Spinning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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