I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
