I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
