Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
