Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
