Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
