Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
