grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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