Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
