Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
