Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
