six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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