I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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