we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
