So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
