so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
