I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
