it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize