Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
