i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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