Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
