the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was like eating out sand paper
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
