no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
