sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
