I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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