Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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