I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
