things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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