I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
