I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
