Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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