he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need water and some morals
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