I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
