I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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