I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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