I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
