It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize