Sry I called you an 8
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
