She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
