may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
