Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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