He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
