I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
