Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
