I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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