i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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