Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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