Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
