my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
now i know why i became what i already was.
even my farts smell like vagina
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
