it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
