in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
