I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
