I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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