His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
