if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
