i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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