I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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