You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
