I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
