i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
