did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
