dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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