They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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