Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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