shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize